How To Fail With Dignity

My nephew sent me these amusing clips of "Bad" test answers. Honestly after reading through them, I've been there. I know I've put down some really stupid responses on my quizzes.

Notice how some of the answers, are in very small print. I know the person is hoping that maybe the teacher has bad eyesight and will accidentally misread it for the correct answer. I've thought about that too.


















I know I should be offended, but this is my favorite:

Keeg's horrible book review

I had picked up this book over the Christmas holidays to read during my airline flights. I also continued to struggle with it through out the rest of the year. Trying to read some pages late at night when I can’t sleep.

Well, I’m at chapter twelve and I can’t tell you a damn thing about the plot.
It should be an easy story. A very simple story for my feeble mind to enjoy.
But it’s not.

I was suckered in [again] to a crappy story. A monster mystery that promises to deliver the goods but then tries to be “edgy and intellectual” and I’m sorry, you can’t really go that deep when you’re dealing with creatures that run around and rip off limbs. Just my opinion.

This is how I fell for it:
On the cover are Egyptian hieroglyphics. I love a mummy story! Ancient curse, mummy reawakens, people die. Great ! Bring it on.

It’s set at the New York Museum of Natural History. Wonderful. Even better.

Now, there is a mummy… I think. Something woke up and killed a guy and another dude is very f***’d up but that was chapter six and several chapters later I’m dealing with a bunch of characters with these confusing strained relationships that I don’t care about. Also a brilliant former FBI man that’s rotting away in jail, framed of course, because his equally brilliant brother is an evil criminal mastermind.

At this point, I’m thinking “what the f*** is going on? What’s with the Hannibal Lector crap? Where’s the mummy?? Where’s the ancient text that needs to be decoded? Or the jeweled scarab that's hidden in some secret compartment of an artifact and holds power over the mummy?

As it turns out, this is a cloak and dagger story peppered with the supernatural trilogy for some key players. Unfortunately I just picked up the latest. I guess it’s like starting off the Star Wars saga with Revenge of the Jedi, and thinking the movie's about the Rancor.



I should have known better. This book is by the team that wrote “The Relic” which was turned into a turd of a movie that I secretly enjoyed BECAUSE: a monster was running around and ripping off limbs and stuff.

I remember dragging my friends to see it in the theaters. I still recall Guy and Lori D cringing during the movie. But I had to see it. Like Van Helsing. I recognize that I have a problem. And knowing is half the battle

8 crazy nights

I caught part of this today.I know my good friend Guy worked on this movie, way back, years ago. I think it's mentioned in chapters 15-20, "The Hell-A Years" from his upcoming autobiography "King Guy".

Anyway , I just like to say : Wow, you weren't exaggerating. It's really bad. Not just bad but amazingly bad. I think the worst decision was to make Adam Sandler do a voice for this character:



Holy cow, he's annoying. I can't even understand what he's talking about because Sandler's doing a very high pitched whiny voice.
It's the kind of voice one uses to tease their sibling with and then get punched in the face because it's so annoying. You can't use a voice like that for an animated feature.

I feel sorry for the folks who had to do the animation for this, and listen to Sandler's voice track over and over...ugh.

music interlude again: I love the 80's OR: kicking & screaming ,'cause I ain't leaving.

This was a big favorite of mine, as most of you know. I had the poster on my wall, a cool one with just Kiefer and his young minions. I had the book, even had a Teen-Beat rag mag about the movie. Now I have my cherished David doll.[thank you Eugene!]

This is my favorite track and better than the original Doors song in my opinion.
Sorry Guy, that oily bohunk with saxophone doesn't work for me but he is fascinating to watch on screen. Rachel Ray could probably make a mean dish with all that oil dripping off his body. You know how she cooks with "EVVO!", which I think is short for 'evil oil' and that dude's got loads of it.

I also think this would make a great flick for a midnight show, very much like the Moulin Rouge and Rocky Horror shows. I would definitely go. People could dress up like one of the Frog brothers, or one of the Lost Boys or anyone of the beachbum punks that get eaten in the movie... even the saxophone oily bohunk. People could have chinese food boxes during the "your eating maggots Michael" scenes. Could work.


And now, the ultimate cheeze from the movie, the video and theme of Lost Boys:




Good Lord look at the wardrobe. Looks like they went straight from a Duran Duran shoot to this one. I think a Pat Benetar extra got lost on that set as well.

and what's with the choir boy kid too?

Fringe

I gotta say that was one enjoyable pilot last night even though I can't remember what the plot was exactly. It was fun, but that doesn't mean it was great. I don't know if I will be investing in this show, because it is from the folks that did Lost which I gave up on after its second season. But I will tune in to just enjoy the silly moments like Boromir's Dad, Joshua Jackson, and Jean the cow marveling at SpongeBob Squarepants.

The cgi lettering made me giggle a lot.I wanted to see some of the FBI people searching through the letters in their patrol, maybe checking behind the giant the E for the suspect.

True Blood

The new series from HBO and Alan Ball. I've never seen his work before, nor read the books the series is based on. But I'll check out anything that deals with classic monsters like vampires.

I've managed to watch the first episode and it's got me interested to tune in next week if I can. But I can't say that I'm completely won over like I was when I first saw Dexter.

First impressions:
Liked the cast. Although I felt that all the characters except for maybe one or two, seem to be portrayed as "idiots" depending on the degree of idiocy. Some are just flat out trailer trash stupid, and others are just sad but likable chumps who are going to get screwed by something nasty later on. I hope I made sense on that. But it's just the first episode and there was a lot of other stuff going on, so I hope my opinion changes on that.

Re: the "other stuff". Here's one of those things : at first I had a hard time with the concept that some people would pay lots of money for vampire blood for its energy boost and sexual performance enhancing abilities but then I remembered the hard core vegan food I once had to eat and wondering at the time why people could eat such awful tasting slop, then it clicked for me. Both images make me ill, but it is a reasonable idea.

What freaked me out:
The brief scene of kinky vamp sex. Holy crap, that was weird. Scared the bejeebus out of me.

I liked the fact that it was able to scare me, and hope that this series is able to pull of the scary elements every week. But I don't think I need to see that scene anymore.

music interlude: back to the 80's

I remember really liking this song, thinking it was so sad and kind of being obsessed with the story... for about as long the song was on the top 40 playlist of my local radio station, which might have been for a month.

And you can see that my inner litmus test for cheezy things wasn't even forming at this time in my 80's youth.